i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's shark week go big or go home
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
