East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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