Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
