i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
