I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
