just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
