apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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