Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
