Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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