he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
