In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This baby is an asshole
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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