its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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