Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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