last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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