I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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