Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
