I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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