Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
