Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
