She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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