whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
