Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
