I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Girls should come with a carfax report
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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