First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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