so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
