hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
