Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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