We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Your cock deserves a montage
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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