I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
