I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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