Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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