I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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