She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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