Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
