Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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