Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
