I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
