its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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