Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
