So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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