I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
