Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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