So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
