She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
