people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
