So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize