yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
