That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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