is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
