I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
