my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
