I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
