I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
