This girl is more easily done than said...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
