Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
