Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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