so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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