she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
