I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
