Your tits are I can't wait for
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
