Having a random hookup so left but love u
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
