I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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