i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
