Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am spending my child support on dildos
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
