And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
