just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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