I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
