you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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