Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
