Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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