Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
