im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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