I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
