Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
