Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
